For me, raising twins has not been a walk in the park. I think people forget that I have double the amount of diapers to change, double babies to bathe, double toddlers to ensure my walls aren’t being colored, and double the amount of diapers being taken off every 10 minutes. But I also have double the love.
I’ve recently heard of people commenting on my parenting choices, and it’s something I try to let roll off my shoulders, but lately, it’s getting to me!
For example, sometimes I ask Michael to get the girls ready for bed for me. I’ve heard comments like, “I would never make my husband bathe or change a diaper after he got home from work," or "Why do you have him do those things when he has worked all day?” It hurts. This is coming from someone with only one newborn child. Our situations are completely different. I don’t know what it’s like to raise one child, and she has no idea what it’s like to raise two at once.
Usually I try to justify my actions or try to get them to see my side of the story. I try to clean my house in the morning, make sure dinner is on the table, and keep the scattered toys at bay during the day. I try. And usually when I ask Michael to help, it’s because I want him to spend time with the girls. He usually doesn't get home till 6:30 and our girls’ bed time is 7:00. I love the way the girls light up when they see him walk in the door after work – it’s priceless. I want him to not just play with them when he comes home, I want him to take care of them. He loves it as much as they do.
So it really bothers me when people judge our team strategy to parenting. I don't think I should feel like I'm failing because the mother of a singleton thinks I'm being unreasonable or lazy. Yes, I ask him to help clean up, or help with the girls because we are a TEAM. Sometimes Michael gets to go play golf with a buddy for a night. I know he needs the break, and I love to do that for him, but sometimes I need a break too.
I wish the people who judge me could spend a week taking care of my twins. I’ve figured out how to handle the twin life, and I think it looks a lot easier than it really is. I promise, any mother of multiples will agree with me that it takes both parents to work together and survive.
Being a mother is more than a full time job. Luckily, our salary is paid in hugs and kisses! It’s tough, but being a team makes it easier. Michael is my co-captain in every way. I’ve helped him with Boston since we got engaged. He never forced me to change her diapers, get her dressed or take care of her while he was at work. I do it because I love Boston, and I love my husband. I take care of our girls so Michael can work to provide for our family. Sometimes I need a break and that’s OK. Sometimes Michael needs a break and that’s OK too. It doesn't make me bad parent to need a night off. I shouldn't let other people remarks get to me as much as I do, but really how can you not?
If you have one child and you don't ask your husband or family to help, then good for you! If you don't ask your husband to change a diaper, that’s great! I won't judge you because that’s the way YOU do things. In MY marriage we do everything together, and we try our best to appreciate what the other contributes to the family. Sometimes we get frustrated with each other, but who doesn't? Parenting is not for the weak! We are going on four years of marriage, and honestly, things have never been better.
If I could go back in time and see how happy I am now, I would be shocked. Who knew having a family and people who love me would make me smile this way?! My life isn't full of rainbows and sunshine, but I know this smile will never fade because my family is what truly makes me happy!
Let’s all try to be better at uplifting each other instead of bringing each other down. I think all mothers are hard on themselves, they don't need other people to make them feel worse.
So hey you, beautiful mom reading this, you are doing amazing!
I know its been so long since I have wrote a blog post. I I will try my best to blog more! I still document a lot of our life on instagram my username is @tonyaelgan_ and you can also follow my online store on instagram @yellowlilly. I closed my shop for the rest of the summer so I could focus on my girls and make sure they have the best summer ever!
Yellow Lilly will reopen August 25th!
Much Love, Tonya
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