Moving Forward

A lot of people have been asking about what has been going on with Boston and her mother lately. Honestly, I have tried to stay pretty quiet about it online. I have been waiting to see if things were actually going to be different before saying things were. Someone asked me why Ashlynn and I met up. Why did we talk when Boston isn't my child. It should have just been Michael and her. I can understand why people would think that. But, in all reality I have been in Boston's life since she was 8 months old. She has always been in my eyes a daughter to me. Step daughter or blood it doesn't matter me. I had my girls and thought that I would stop caring about Boston. I figured that what happened with her would stop mattering to me. I would have Olivia and Harper to take care of. My entire pregnancy I actually worried about how I would feel towards Boston. I worried I would end up like my step mother and many other step mothers and not care about my step child. I would make myself sick thinking that I would actually care more about my girls than Boston. Once my girls were born I realized that I have such a deep unconditional love for them. A love that cannot be altered or taken away. A love that would last for eternity. When I think about Boston I feel those same feelings. She is not my blood. But she is my step daughter and when she is with us there is no question how I feel. It honestly makes me so happy to know that I am not my step mother. I am not the person who hurt me over and over again growing up. That the way she treated me was not because that was how Step Mothers were. Its because of the person she choose to be. She choose to keep her heart closed to me and my siblings. There was nothing I could have done that would have ever changed what she did to me.

So fast forward to about a month ago. In the past I have reached out to Ashlynn to see if we could talk and try to sort out the problems and try to get everyone on the same page for Boston's sake. Each time I was rejected. At the time I would get so angry with her. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to put this behind us. So we would continue to fight. We would continue to say and do hurtful things towards each other. Things had gotten so out of hand that at times I would get serious anxiety when Boston would be with us. I think that is normal when you consider things that have happened in the past.

I can't say that I know the person Michael was when Ashlynn got pregnant. When I met Michael he was lost and extremely depressed. I saw a side to him that he wasn't showing his friends or even Ashlynn. I saw the real Michael. I saw the man and father he wanted to be. I can't fix his mistakes and I can't help erase the pain that he felt during that time. I do know that when I met Michael I felt something so strongly for him so fast that it felt unreal. I wish things could have been timed better. I know Michael regrets the choices he has made  in the past. All of us regret choices we have made in the past. We are all human. I did not treat my first husband the way a husband should be treated. I regret the things I said about him out of anger and hurt feelings.

Ashlynn and I talk we don't talk all the time, and we defiantly don't agree all the time. We do agree on things when it comes to the relationship of our girls. They are family and they will always be family and we want them to have the same relationship we have with our sisters. That is what important to us. We will not be best friends but I hope we can continue down this path for the sake of our girls.

I have talked with Ashlynn enough to know she is sorry for what she put me through and I know she knows I am sorry for the part I played in her pain. Michael has apologized for his actions during her pregnancy. He has grown into the man and father I knew he could be. Michael was always there for me during my pregnancy. He has always gone above and beyond for the people he loves. I wish Ashlynn could see the man that I see. I know that is never going to be possible but I am glad that she is trying to see things from his perspective and learning to understand. Thats all any of us can do.

I truly love Boston and I love watching her play with her sisters. They will always have each other and will get to grow up making fun memories together. I have learned that even though I have strong feelings and opinions about Ashlynn that I can put that aside for the sake of our girls. I honestly never thought the day would come that would could all swallow our pride and put our selfish feelings aside and give the girls the relationship they deserve. We still all have a lot of work to do we are taking it a day at a time. We get mad at each other and wanna fight but instead of letting fights last forever when are learning to accept that we won't always agree, but that doesn't mean we cant get along.

I am actually very hopeful for the future and happy that my girls will always have Boston to look up to. I am thankful for forgiveness and open minds. After tonight I finally feel like things are going to continue to improve and that all of my family and friends will continue to support our choices and also still be there for me when I need to vent. ;)

If you took the time to read this long post, I hope It flowed and made sense! Its been a long road getting us here. Im so glad we have all been able to move forward. "Lets show them how to live; Accept the pain and always forgive" One of my favorite quotes that I have always lived by and continue to live by.

 Forgiving someone in no way changes the past, but it sure can change the future.

Boston and Oliva were clearly happy with us! 

Much Love, Tonya