Because of you

I feel like every Mother's Day I get online and everyone is so thankful for how amazing their mothers are. In the past I have tried really hard to think about the good things my mother did for me. Every year I always looked at her in a negative light. I couldn't see what positive impact she had on my life. Then I would think about the Step- Mother I had and how terrible she was. I knew she didn't impact my life in a good way at all. For a long time I blamed my mother for the bad choices I made. She wasn't there for me when I needed her. She didn't teach me about girl things. She wasn't there for me when I got my heart broken for the first time. She let me get my GED and marry someone in High School. She wasn't someone I looked to for guidance. She wasn't around she didn't stay close to us to be able to visit us each week. To this day she doesn't ask about me or try to talk to me. I haven't talked to my mother since my girls were just a few weeks old. After I became a mother I started realize what she really did for me. That she actually did impact my life in ways that I can only be extremely thankful for.

I at a young age I was hurt so badly when my mother walked out of my life at six years old. It hurt so deeply that only now am I seeing how it effected me. I am thankful that she showed me how I never wanted to end up. I am the mother I am today because of her. I truly believe I was meant to go through what I did so I could be the mother that I am. So I could be a better mother to my girls. I know that what my step mother put me through was horrible but I am thankful for it. So I could be able relate to my step daughter in a way that makes her life with us easier. I know what it feels like to be in her situation. My step mother hurt me in ways that I would never want to hurt Boston. I remember how I felt when my step mother made it very clear that we were nothing compared to her kids. I remember what it was like praying that I would be able to make her happy so she would love me and be the mother I needed.

I was so young going through all of this. I think It was all shaping me and getting me ready for motherhood. I also know that I have a hard time leaving my girls for longer than a night. I get overwhelmed with the feeling of abandonment.. I know that stems from what I went though as a child.

All my life I couldn't understand why I went though what I did with the mother figures in my life. Why didn't I deserve a good mother. I realize now that I was given the mother figures in my life for a reason. I am so thankful I can think of my mother and not be angry with her anymore. Even though I made the choice to cut her out of my life. I am thankful for the lessons she taught me. I know how certain situations can make kids feel and I have learned how to make sure I never put my girls through it. I will never leave them. They will never have to wonder their worth because they will always come first. I will make sure I am always around if they need me. I will be there for every important milestone of their life. Not only because I know what it was like to not have my mother there but because I want to be there for my girls.

I find so much joy in seeing my girls everyday. I love walking into their room every morning and seeing their faces light up with joy when they see me. I love watching them learn new things. I want to show them how wonderful life truly is. I want to teach them to always be kind, loving and strong. I want them to know that no matter the choices they make or the places they go they can always come home to me. I will be their home. I will be the mother I never had.


I am loving this Mother's Day. I love that I have gotten to relax and spend time with my family. I know I Have been slacking when it comes to blogging. But I have decided I am going to start doing it more often. I just need to learn how to manage my time better. haha. I have some exciting things I am doing right now and I want to start blogging what my girls and I are up to! So check back soon because I promise you will want to read and follow along!

I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day!

Much Love, Tonya