Sacrifice

Over the past couple weeks I have been feeling pretty crappy. Defiantly not myself at all. Of course being pregnant I expected to not be feeling myself. But, like every girl, I follow so many girls on Instagram and Facebook who have so much energy while being pregnant. They always seems to get everything and more done while carrying! I was getting so down on myself because i wasnt being that way! I barley had energy to get out of bed let alone clean my house! When I would force myself to do more than my body thought I could I would end up seriously regretting it the next couple days. Eventually I started waking up with sharp pains in my left side. I figured it was just something to do with being pregnant. I would send messages to my friends asking if they had that same problem or how bad I should let the pain get before I did something about it. Obviously none of my friends knew so although my body was telling me to take it easy my mind was telling me I needed to be the supper energetic pregnant women. So the pain and got worse and I was no longer able to fake a smile or able to force myself to go out and have a good time! I ended up going to the ER in such bad pain to find out I had kidney stones! Let me tell you they are painful! So they sent me home with some medicine and told me to drink lots of water! So I did and two days later I woke up at four am barley able to breathe and in severe pain. Michael rushed me back to the hospital and after about an hour in the ER they admitted me. 

If  I wasn't pregnant my time in the hospital would have been very short. I could have easily taken the pain meds and had surgery to remove my stones.. But because that is too dangerous for my twins, I could not and would not . I had to deal with the extreme pain and taking every precaution possible to make sure whatever we did was the safest solution for me and my peanuts! Finally the doctors and I came to a agreement to put a tube in my kidney to relieve the pressure pushing on the stones! 

Now my pregnancy isn't going to be full of exercising or the most activities. I will continue to walk around will a tube of kidney fluid and unrie. So on top of my stomach growing at fast rate I will also get to carry around a bag full of my own body fluid! Not that any of you would be able to tell unless I showed you or told you about it. But feeling attractive to my husband or getting to wear shorts or swimsuits this summer is just something that is not going to happen for me. 

However the best part about all of this is my babies are safe and sound. No harm will come to them. They will continue to grow and get stronger everyday all because I am making the sacrifices I want to make sure that happens! If giving up things I enjoy for a few more months to ensure the safety of my children I will most defiantly be wearing my fluid bag proudly! I am learning that without a doubt there isn't anything I wouldn't already do for them! I will gladly give up my body and my engery and my beloved soaks in the tub for them any day! This may not seem to you like I'm sacrificing a lot but coming from a once very selfish girl, this is huge. This to me erasures my every doubt that I will be a good mother. I couldn't be more thankful for that! 

My Nephrostomy tube! 

Still asleep  from the safe but weird gas they gave me because going under normal anesthesia was not an option! Michael still used my bed as a leg rest!  And yes that is a blanket from home because I am the type to need a comfort. 

 I was In so much pain that laying in my bed was making it worse so Michael and I switched spots for a while! 

All is well now! I am home the babies are healthy and this surgery has been a blessing! I am able to walk around and not feel any pain! I got my entire house cleaned this morning and it felt amazing! Who knew the sound of laundry going would be music to my ears! I'm so thankful for all the prayers and kind words sent to us! Also very thankful that Michael's uncle Jeff and his cousin Marcus could come give me a blessing! And a huge and I mean HUGE thank you to my amazing husband for sticking by my side and being there for me when I needed him the most! I don't know how I could have got through this without him! 

Much love, Tonya!