With all of those things comes fear. Fear of not being able to cary a baby to full term. Or being able to conceive at all. Michael and I want a baby. Its not a shock to anyone if you are close to me you know how I talk about having them. I could have a million people tell me to wait, live a little more. Go out and experience life first. Sometimes I agree, but deep down I cant help but want a baby.
I want to experience a life with a baby by my side. I have friends that feel the same way and are struggling like I am. We are each others support system through it. Our conversations about who is pregnant this month or what options are out there are getting old. I get so sad when I see people getting pregnant when ever they want. Not that its a bad thing and that I am not happy for them because I am. I am just a little sad when they can say I want a baby and it just happens for them. When I see women abuse their gift I have such a resentment towards them when they constantly complain about their kids. I do understand I have no idea what its like to have a child with me 24\7. I will probably have my ups and downs with my own kids. I just look at things differently when I have had two taken away from me. I would almost rather try for years and not get pregnant then to get pregnant twice and loose them. Its a hard thing to go through.
Anyways! I am wishing, hoping, and praying that mine and Michaels prayers will be answered soon! I know I am still young and have plenty of time but my health scares me and my desire to have kids grows stronger each month!
Maybe I'm just not ready yet and it will happen when it happens but I have my fingers crossed that someday it will happen for us! :)
Until then I will be the best Aunt and Step Mother I can be!
Much Love, Tonya
2 comments:
I know even the thought of Endometriosis is scary. Trust me, I know. It's terrifying. The thought of not being able to have our own babies or carry our babies full term is the scariest thought in the world, for me anyways. I know you know this.. I have Endometriosis. It's hard. I am in pain almost every single day. It beats me down emotionally more than anything. I am constantly asking "WHY?" "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" It's not fair. BUT it is the cards I was dealt. And I have to deal with it the best way I can.
Tonya... I promise you the BEST thing you can do for yourself & your health is to find out if you have it. I know it's scary.. I know the thought of having it & the surgery is scary. But I promise you, not getting checked & not being able to have the care you need, is so much worse. If you have it, you can get the help you need. You can get the right medication for your pain. You will have a better understanding why you are struggling to get pregnant. You can have the scar tissue cleaned up & it can help you get pregnant. You will be able to take the next step to do what you need to do to have a family. Think of how at ease your mind will be if you do NOT have it! You will have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. You'll be able to move on from this part of your life & start figuring out what’s really going on.
I am so sorry you have to deal the struggles of trying to have a family. I promise you, you will be a mommy. And you will be such a great one! You are so sweet Tonya. You deserve all the happiness in the world! Don’t let anyone make you feel any different. I know periods & fertility isn’t the most fun thing to talk about.. But sometimes it helps & I am ALWAYS here to listen. Always. I love you girl! Keep your chin up!
Michael and I have decided after my insurance comes through in July we will get it one. If I don't have it I will be so happy but Los a little freaked out as to what is actually going on with me. But your commet really helped :) I think you are so strong and amazing! We will both get to be mothers one day! It's a true blessing! Love you and miss you!
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